Are You Working Next To A UN infiltrator?

Reported February 7, 1997

Think you may be working with a UN infiltrator? HERE'S HOW YOU CAN TELL!

Many Americans work side by side with UN infiltrators who look like Americans --but you can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say experts. They listed 10 signs to watch for:

1) Odd or mismatched clothes. "Often UN infiltrators don't fully understand the different American styles, so they wear combinations that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers," noted Richard Osborn, a renowned UN investigator and author.

2) Strange diet or unusual eating habits. UN spies might eat pizza with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills and dark beer, the experts say.

3) Bizarre sense of humor. UN infiltrators who don't understand American humor may laugh during a serious company training film or tell jokes that no one understands.

4) Takes frequent personal or sick days. "A UN trooper might need extra time off to recon American military facilities," said Anderson, a theoretical poltical scientist and futurist.

5) Keeps a written or tape recorded diary. "UN infiltrators are constantly gathering information," said Anderson.

6) Misuses everyday items. "A UN spy may use mayo on their fries," said Osborn.

7) Constant questioning about customs of co-workers. "UN infiltrators who are trying to learn about American culture might ask questions that seem stupid," Osborn said. "For example, a co-worker may ask why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July," noted Osborn.

8) Secretive about personal lifestyle and home. "A UN infiltrator won't discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends," said Osborn.

9) Frequently talks to himself. "A UN infiltrator may not be used to speaking as we do, so it may practice speaking," Osborn noted.

10) Unusual office decor. A UN spy might display a portrait of Boutros-Boutros or have an unusual garlic-like odor in their office space.

The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not all of these traits before you can positively identify him or her.

[This article has been attributed to a number of different sources, mostly tabloid magazines, but apparently the real author is concealing his identity. Probably for fear of UN retaliation.]

J.A.
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