Rampant Cannibalism Reported in Indiana!

June 23, 1998 (11:45) Transcript from
UN Newsbot, Great Lakes Protectorate Preservation Zones (Chicago)

Marion, Indiana -- An outbreak of a mysterious mass insanity has occurred in the vicinity of this Northeast Sector town. Deaths are estimated in the hundreds. Those who cannot find victims eat themselves. Circumstances are similar to the 1984 occurrence in northwest Indiana, known locally as "Da Region". The 1984 was unofficially classified as "Regionaire's Disease". Measures are being taken to quell ****SCREEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEZZZZ**** this is the HOOSIER UNDERGROUND butting in for a live TRUE report on the DASTARDLY U.N.S.F. chemical attack around Marion, Indiana. We are in contact with Major Craig Willis of the 12th Gary Resistance Faction in charge of the clean up. Go ahead, Major.

We got a Black Flag alert for an abent attack about a week ago. We mobilized in full radchem, but the antigen was delayed. As a result, the bastards drew first blood. The agent was initially delivered in soft drinks. Later reports out of Jonesboro indicated an aerosol attack as well. The drinks were traced to a blufront disguised as a bottle distributor in Ft. Wayne. Threat eliminated.

Meanwhile rescue squads throughout the Grant county area detoxified and/or euthanised the effected victims. Jonesboro was the worst - a ghastly sight. Kids eating mothers, fathers eating mothers... terrible, terrible. We had no choice but to disappear the entire town.

Now we come to the matter of one Tate "C" Bigelow of Gas City, Indiana. He started broadcasting for help on a transmitter so powerful you could hear it in Rio de Janeiro! We managed to put the jammies on him soon enough. Triangulating on his blubbering and crying, we located his hiding place and silenced his transmission. The boy is big as an ox and twice as dumb.

On the plus side, we talked him into donating his father's massive and exotic hidden armory. Note also to the dead- but still generous- citizens of Jonesboro for their copious private armories. One other item of interest: Tate was the sole survivor of the Jonesboro Massacre- none the worse for his exposure. We took a gallon of blood out of him and told him to "Stay". Oh, hell. He heard me. Tate wants to talk to you-

Hey! This is Tate "C" Bigelow from Gas City. I werk over to the gowlfkoarse in Marion. I moe the grass and git payd in all the moles I kin ketch. I hat to kil my frend Cletus cuz I wood not let him chaw on me and now I dont feel bad cauz they say it wernt my fawlt. Cletus dun tole me bowt the UN/NWO Threat and I will revenj him! My Daddy never tolt me cuz he did not want to puloot my mynd with sech Evil. My Daddy wuz a grate man and reel smart and he rapet an killt Hitler and one time we wuz lookin at the Moon and Daddy sez thatz owrs taint nobody elses flag on it and he got a hole bunch a weepons in his secrit hydout that I wernt spost to tell any body about and he got these weepons by makin a bunch of muney from plantin that mary-uh-corn soz we cood live good and-

***SCREEE*** thank you TATE. Tate "C" Bigelow, ladies and gentleman. Man-Mountain and Indiana's latest secret weapon....

This is the HOOSIER UNDERGROUND. That is all.

John K.
Hoosier Underground
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